belgrade deja vu

it just struck me today. i did lunch with that friend of mine, with the mad rain that got me half drenched. saw the folks for dinner. something felt like it. what are the odds of that.

pain in the neck

i want my neck back, i really do. it’s strange how almost disabling it feels when you don’t have a functioning neck. and it’s not like where you have two hands or two legs you can rely more on the other for awhile. all i did was wake up a week ago, not in an awkward position, and there was a strange spot of pain in the brain. saw the doc after lunch since it wasn’t going away and was bit worried it was the end. good news that the head wasn’t the problem but the neck was. supposedly simple neck sprain on the left side, nothing serious. pain in brain was because the nerve running along the injured part of the neck ended at that spot in the brain and that was the thing hurting. i was so relieved i probably aggravated it by still moving about quite normally after that. then there’s the other theory that i might not have realised i could be aggravating it because my pain threshold seems rather high. there’s another theory too that the fengshui in my office is not very good. after i was sick couple of weeks back and half the office was also on mc and someone even had hfmd, now this.

so it was pretty much downhill from there on. after that the right side started hurting on the front and the back. good thing there was a long weekend but sadly that meant no fun for me and i had to skip two weddings i was eager to attend. decided to see th doc again for a review on mon. good thing i did, his face went graver. he was surprised the seemingly simple sprain had become something acute, in more than one spot, inflammed, and totally stiffened up my neck. so i was ordered an xray at the nearest hospital and, depending on the results, would also go for physiotherapy the same day. if the results were good, that meant i could just go for physio. if they were bad, that meant even physio wouldn’t help and my doc would need to call me back to tell me more. and he wouldn’t tell me anything earlier. hmmmm….

anyway good news is xray came back clean. nothing untoward looking, no fractures. so physio it was and a neck brace. and thanks to swine flu/ influenza a h1n1 season i had my temperature screened three times in one day going to clinic, hospital and physio. and since everything was private and not public medical, mon alone cost me about 200 bucks already. physio alone is 75 bucks a pop, but it’s 1.5 hrs at least and they’re good. so good it hurts. really. after just  two sessions i’ve been able to move my neck the most normally since i got the damn sprain a week ago. but it’s still work in progress. ain’t 100% yet. and i have to lay off yoga for a couple of months. sucks.

but i’m glad at least now i can swallow, brush my teeth and wash my hair more normally without having to hold my head at the same time at some funny angle. i’m still working on being able to wash my face at the sink properly though. it’s amazing how you take something so seemingly insignificant like your neck and with just an injury like that, it changes almost everything. i haven’t really been out for a week. and i still have to wear the brace when i go back to work. there’s really so much, or rather almost everything, to do with which you could use a functioning neck. good thing physio says i should be able to make total recovery; doc doesn’t think this will become recurring. but it is gonna take longer than it takes a normal sprain to heal. my physio is totally puzzled how i got this, as i am too. she said the kind of injury i have is more consistent with some sudden accident that happened, like whiplash in a car, not something that hits you from wear and tear over time which would be gradual.

apparently the neck joints near my head were quite inflammed, she was concerned that it might have affected the discs too although not by way of slipped discs. but i did learn some other interesting things from physio also. apparently she can tell i have migraines, just by feeling the back of the skull where the hairline is. cool. apparently only about 0.5% of migraine sufferers are those who start since early childhood. swell. and she says my shoulders and left side of my back are too stiff too. so this means i should hit the spa more often? she laughed.

she thinks yoga is good though from her professional point of view, so that’s good. as for chinese treatments where they stick glass jars on your back and try to suck the ‘bad’ air out she feels it’s kinda hokey. she did try it herself and it didn’t really do anything. someone else also told me that personal trainers in gyms always tell their clients that yoga is actually bad. afraid of having business snatched, i would say. hilarious.

fr ca to sg

i had no idea what to expect and i had no idea what to ask or say. i had never met him before, not really. he and his younger brother left when i was born so i clearly would not have any memory of them. i had only seen my aunt when she visited some years back. and this time was the first time ever he visited this place in his life too. and even more the first time ever seeing some of the other cousins who are younger than me.

i used to get them both mixed up, the brothers. all i had were a few fleeting photos or word passed on from other relatives on what they might be up to so far away. after awhile it’s easy to not remember that there is still another part of the family somewhere.

meeting him was almost surreal, mind-boggling. two strangers and yet two cousins. so close and yet so totally unknown. i had so many things to ask and yet i found myself struggling to think of what to say because there were just too many things. and there was just not that much time. but there were plenty of smiles, jokes, a broken glass, laughter, lots of chit chat, photos, laksa, kueh pie tee, pulot hitam, satay, otah, durain puffs, popiah, bee hoon, sago gula melaka… and birthday cake with 34 candles.

it’s a good beginning. we have a lifetime to catch up.

march on

so much has happened in the last few weeks since my move that it’s been hard just trying to keep track of all the things before i can finally jot them here.

there have been many welcome lunches, lots of catching up with people here which has been a lovely, warm way to settle in, some of whom i have not seen in a long time. i’ve been given a phone that’s so obviously recycled and so obviously thrown around (literally) that when i brought it home, mum took one look, popped into the kitchen, didn’t bring anything back with her that i could clean it up with, but simply proceeded to cling wrap the phone… yes cling wrap! not safe touching, nothing possible to clean, she said. now it looks ready to pop in the microwave or the fridge, although i have to say it looks more like the ugly germy-looking thing is now contained and more ready for hazmat disposal. will probably have to hunt or one of those cheap silicone rubber condom-like phone covers as a longer term solution.

in between work i’ve been on a photo shoot, cleared out an account, met many people, taken too many cab rides, eaten quite well, met a cousin for the first time in my life and been to an oasis concert.

in between, too, it has been yet another week of too many deaths. two people in the office building had mums who passed on, one of whom turns out to live just down the road from my place. then someone in the building itself passed on. around the same time someone close to the family has also suddenly passed on… perhaps our weather of late makes things more unbearable for the vulnerable.

exeunt

after such a rush i’ve finished running around, packed up, done as many mini farewells as i could squeeze, dropped off as many farewell gifts as i could, moved some initial stuff over and it’s like i’ve hardly had time for any of it to sink in much. before you know it it’s goodbye and hello all at once.

my email was switched before i started but now i don’t have access into my computer because i haven’t been given the passwords yet. i already have a build-up of outstanding emails plus i’ve been handed work today… while on induction. and i still have old loose ends to tie up too.

it’s only day 2. welcome to the new world.

it’s gonna be a very interesting time. and expensive too i gather.

curiously enough, i’ve been asked by the other side if i might consider joining them. unfortunate that times are bad and there’s a hiring freeze. nice enough for one of them to say that that wouldn’t matter; they’d surely be able to work something out. i hope he’s kidding, it’d just be too tempting.  just as sweet was someone else who revealed that i had “done well” on my test and that was a rarity — usually it’s a mere pass/fail result which comes back.

for now though it’s gonna be as much food and sleep as i can instead. lots of busy-ness elsewhere. and apparently an empty jubilee hall costs $4300 for a few hours. so much for shooting there.

death week

not quite the usual universities week people may think of: an indonesian-chinese foreign student stabs his prof, slashes his wrists and (presumably) jumps to his death… right in the block behind the only place where i used to spend my time on that campus. a scholar who lost his scholarship. somewhat surreal to walk the trail of blood and smell it as it heated off the floor in the stuffy stairwell. right before it gets slopped around with drippy mops that simply spread the blood thinly over a wider area mixed with dirty water to dry off. and fail to remove the already crusted thicker bits.

the next day there’s news of an american foreign exchange student who dies on another campus in a student hostel i know. supposedly alcohol played a part. supposedly valium was found. supposedly another bright promising scholar. prescription for a golden boy.

then there’s a chinese national who was found hanging in his hostel. he had started work in the lab of the same engineering department the indonesian-chinese student was from. more uncannily he started work on the day the student supposedly jumped,

in between there’s been big news of a local captain who went awol and found dead below a bridge in melbourne. turns out we know his mum but none of us realised till we saw the family obituary appear in the paper. she told me before years ago that he was going to study medicine. and now this is the mysterious end.

friday the 13th: the vday edition

quite an oddity for once, friday the 13th being back to back with a saturday valentine’s. explains the horror and frenzy of a vday weekend doesn’t it. friday turned out purply sweet though. flowers in the office in the morning. plus wormwood for me, an agenda for you. not quite yorick yet, but in a few months there could really be a green fairy of sorts instead. how spectacular spectacular. titania may be proud.

saturday was beautifully quiet. supermarket shopping, marinade mixing, pork pounding, spinach stirring, mash… well, mashing. all easy, fuss-free, ready in hardly any noticeable time at all. never seen you enjoy cooking so much before. and i relish it. a break before dessert, then it’s crepe creasing, orange oozing, sweet steeping. and now you have your sights set on steak, which is a meatier option by far than the cold mountain on tv.

undermined by the ads every 15 minutes and jarring cuts of scenes to add to a film already slow in pace and long in running time, it was the most tedious part of the day to wait more than 3 severely interrupted hours just to watch inman kiss ada again. and only to die the next day. brilliantly painful, for us and them. even more painful considering the film has a 60:1 ratio of having 60 minutes of footage shot for every 1 minute that was finally used in the film. must be quite painful too for the amount of money sunk into the film just for paying off its main stars and numerous notable cameos. maybe they should have axed some. it’s rather de rigeur now, which gives a new twist to the idea of a boss from hell, like friday the 13th: the financial crisis edition, where the boss replaces jason and easily beats his bodycount.

but that’s a very bad oblique way to digress into. maybe a film like cold mountain should just never be shown on tv, it ruins any effect and pacing it originally has. channel 5 should take note. although i must admit it’s quite an unusual choice for a vday movie. unless that was purely coincidental with its regular saturday night programming. still, at least it wasn’t the expected titanic or love actually sorts.

but for now… the mousetrap summons wormwood, wormwood…

the test is in the writing

today i realise how rusty i am. i have not had any written test like this since i went to jc or university. for a  moment i had a slight creeping of dread as to how the heck i was going to write legibly and quickly enough to complete any of it decently. and in a room all by myself with rather cold air-conditioning, which means even stiffer digits let alone dexterity. apart from pen and paper, it was nice to be offered a laptop too. although i had certain resevations about using a laptop, mainly for honest reasons,  i gave in because i thought my handwriting would be an embarrassment at best, and chicken scratchings at worst.

it didn’t seem like it was just my fingers that were immobile from lack of  pen use, but my mind was equally stiff too. that plus the heavy lunch i just ate before the test which was full of creamy pasta goodness with potato, bacon, asparagus, spoonfuls of a kicking full-bodied minestrone, and paper-thin pizza with more potato and spicy cod roe. but i digress. this is a feeble attempt of a colouful listing that i stuffed my face with.  

for the paper i faced listings of questions instead, some of which i realised i didn’t quite give a damn about even though i should be fairly familiar with their subject matters, partly because of overloads which lead one to a sort of mental bulimia by the end of the day – retching stuff today to absorb again tomorrow. no wonder i seem to have an increasingly short short-term memory. come to think of it, i wonder if a sort of apathy actually helps to retain one’s sanity where i work.

so to avoid all this and avoid spotting of factual errors, i had to settle on an abstract question instead. this sort seemed the most fun to write anyhow, although for the life of my poor addled brain it quickly dawned on me that my mental gears were also quite badly cobwebbed. suddenly writing creatively seemed like the challenge you faced when writing a full-length composition for the first time in primary school, and presenting cogent arguments felt like the first general paper essay – except you had to juggle both at the same time and still sound like a well-read, eloquent, astute adult worthy of the stripes your university education earned you.

despite all these trepidations, i actually found that i rather enjoyed the process somewhat by the time i was done. i don’t think i wrote my best (i’m never satisfied with what i write anyway), but at least i didn’t feel it was a total disaster under the circumstances. it made me miss writing all the more, the enjoyment of playing with ideas. and made me realise just how badly working life and work reports damage vocabulary and creativity levels. truly a case of english as it is broken.

retrospect

about half of the office had to move due to renovations. it seems the in thing now is to break high walls and big space down by like a third each. more open plan, less open individual space. the latest wave of conformity to hit, although admittedly there is no way we can allow more people in without downsizing the cubicle spaces to be able to squeeze more people into the same floor area. so now it’s less storage, less privacy, but more rowdy company and more reason to just junk stuff when in doubt.

while moving my stuff about i chanced upon an old appointment diary. quite befitting actually as my work here has come full circle. it was from the first year i joined my current place and the first time i started scribbling in an appointment anything to keep track of work and other things. flipping through it i noticed that the diary was simple and my penciling neatly scripted, with some design scribblings here and then. work-wise, i actually had more items noted in it than i remembered. things seemed a lot slower then. i had actually been trying to recall some films i saw in that year, but without much avail. so it was also quite a nice surprise to see some record of that turn up suddenly.

nowadays i don’t do pen and paper much justice. the diary has gotten a little more fancy looking but the handwriting has gone out the window. i have my strength in my fingers to type all day long but not enough to write decently with a pen for a paper. such an irony – i used to always have a rather tight pen grip and paper pressure, so much so that certain fingers developed bumps in school.

so it begins and so it ends. moving cubicles has also proven an opportune time to not just junk stuff, but also pack up and be ready. some will stay where they are. for others the move is temporary because they will move again when renovations are done. they have little need to unpack. and neither do i. it will be a more permanent shift for me. it will be a nice round-up of my time here, to leave at about the same time i came in. it will be a strange sort of parting though: i will leave friends and the environment i know now, but yet i will not be considered as having left service. supposedly i am to return some day.

but in the meantime i will get a change of scene and pace. i will run briefly with the press, which will seem akin to a job introduction without the obligation. after that, the country club on a hill. meantime, there is much else to be done on the home front.

so much awaits.

fr dec 08 to jan 09

yen pinter santika deaths wife’s bday wy’s dinner ange’s sis egyp archae hotels houses studios church eew xmas new yr uk dvds saizeriya deutsch

owarimasuka?